my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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