Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize