mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
