This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
