if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
my liver is dry heaving
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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