I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
