Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
