Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
