that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
