just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
