just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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