I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
