she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
