OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Farmville is her only friend.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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