Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
