did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
