Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
