A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
