You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Yo dont text me then not text me
I am in a vortex of obligation.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
