i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
