Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
