Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
