...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
