I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
