I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
