So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have aggressive nipples.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
