Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
