he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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