Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
