i think my tv is drunk
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
