Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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