You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
