I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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