omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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