i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
