Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
