I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
