Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
