My hand turned me down
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
