Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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