Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
