if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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