I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
