Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
