I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
