Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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