where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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