Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
