im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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