I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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