There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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