Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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