I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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