if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
