we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
