Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
