I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We are two peas in an std pod
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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