dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize