Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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