ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
