16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
