I cannot find my penis.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
