do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
