fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize