I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
