My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He has the fingertips of a God
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
