I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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