Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
