My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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