my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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